Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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