I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I supernannyed him into submission
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I have post one night stand depression
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
