He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
