He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
