Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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