So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize
