dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
