Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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