No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
