exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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