I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
