I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I need to calm my uterus...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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