The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just sent this text using only my big toe
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I pour the whiskey from now on
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
