Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
