After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
