Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize