Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize