this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
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He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
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I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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