Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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