Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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