Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize