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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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