Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Is Oprah even human
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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