I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
