So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
