I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
