i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
