god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize