You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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