xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
