Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
