all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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