Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
