she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
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Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
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The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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