i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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