You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
