The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You left your phone here
Wait...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
