So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
