just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
