I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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