im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
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We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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