thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
