Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
