Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
