I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
