You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
