my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
