That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You took a bar mat shot.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
