I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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