Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
