And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
