my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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