her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
