How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
