Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
