thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
