Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
