I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
