And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize