so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
