At least make sure they are 18
Why
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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