somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
