Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i came on her dog
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
