um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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