I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
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Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
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It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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