Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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