OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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