Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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