you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
