Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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