so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
